Ironman, wife, mama... enjoying life's journey!

10:00 pm bedtime!  I have missed you!

Nighty Night Tumblrs.

to normal… maybe.  I have been able to keep most of my training pretty normal throughout this tragedy we have been inside of this week - that is if you could, for a moment, consider the crying fits (yes, there were a few) while running anything near normal.  I am fairly certain the people who witnessed them DID NOT. 

AND now I have a race on Sunday… my busy season at work ends Friday…. and I just don’t feel normal at all.  Where is the nervous lead ball in my belly??  Where is my replay of the race in my head??  Where is my obsessive pre-race month nutrition meter??  I am scared I just won’t show up on Sunday! I mean, my body will be there… but will my mind and spirit?! This is sooooo weird!

I gotta snap out of this… any suggestions??

Today the funeral for our fallen firefighter was over 2400 strong - including firefighters from every state in the east and even some from California (where Capt. Bowen once fought wildlands fires)!  It was such a beautiful service with every formality to honor him.  I am just wrecked after being in such sadness all day (our firefighters and their families were there from 9a-6:30p).  He was a true hero in so many ways, including being an amazing husband and dad to 3 children… friend and instructor.  I have not stopped crying all day.  My heart aches for his family and his team so very much!  My heart aches for my husband.

Now, it is permanent… now, he is really gone… now, there is no more services to get ready for… now, we just miss him… and learn how to go on without him and deal with the what-could-have-beens.  Now, I live with the sudden visceral reaction I keep having at the reality that my husband runs IN when everyone else runs OUT.  It isn’t like I didn’t know before this week, but this reality is way more scary now.  Today, Luke is in his 2nd of a 3 day shift (much longer than usual because of all the coverage he is doing for the 7 guys still out on medical leave) and I went to run my intervals - I cried the entire time.  I just couldn’t stop - running or crying.  I am not sure if I was sad, overwhelmed with what the day held or terrified.  All I know is that I am now completely spent and can’t sleep.  Just talked to Luke and all the guys at his station are having the same problem.  Again, my heart just aches for them!

on the firefighters that were injured in the fire here on Thurs… the guy that was critical was transferred to Augusta’s Burn Center with inhalation burns to his lungs.  He was treated in a hyperbaric chamber.  Our hospital had one, but it was in the building that burned.  He has been released back to our local hospital and is on the mend physically.  We are very glad things turned so quickly for him.  As of this evening, all the other 6 firefighters were released after undergoing treatment for gas inhalation injuries and heat exhaustion.  One had a minor heart attach from the heat.  The firefighter that died, had a massive heart attack from gas inhalation and lack of oxygen. 

Services are Monday and Tues. And my sweet husband will have worked every B and C shift (the department is divided into A, B, and C shifts - he is normally B) since last Thurs.  He is covering for a buddies from C shift that have just been released from the hospital.  This has been a very exhausting and emotional week. 

I don’t even know if I have mentioned it before on this blog, but my husband is a firefighter.  Yesterday, we had a fire at a medical building that ended tragically.  We lost a great Captain (only 37 years old) and we have 7 more injured - one critically.  They were able to evacuate over 200 people successfully, with only one significant injury to a civilian.  They were looking for more injured people inside (as this is a building with many elderly) when all the tragic events began to unfold.

My request… please pray, send positive energy, whatever you personally do in these situations.  These AFD families could use it right now.  The guys who had to go back their station, after watching too many of their friends go down, could use it.  The guys going on shift today could use it.  Our community is heartbroken!

Left my house at 6:30am - ran 7.88 miles - at work by 9 - just now home and sitting for about the 3rd time to day (12:17am).  Still had emails to answer and I am off to sleepy-by!

at work and I could not dread it more.  Oh my sanity!!  I own my company and 2 times a year (for 2 solid weeks) I have a crazy-busy schedule.  I am lucky if my day ends at the 12 hr mark and 14hrs is much more typical.  My workouts always take a little bit of a sucker punch during this time and I justify it because I have a lot of control over my days outside of these few weeks and generally force my workouts into my day however I please.  WEEEELLLL, I can’t afford a missed workout this time!  I have a race on Aug 7 (Lake Logan Tri), 3 days after this work push ends!! And my Olympic (the one I have been training for since Sept ‘10) is a mere 56 days from today!

Today I had a mini-BRick (45 min bike/ 30 min run).  I got through the bike, and 12 min into my run, I got THE call.  I knew I shouldn’t answer the phone, but I did.  Once I had, I just had to stop everything and go in! SUCKED!  And I feel like I have let myself down.  I have to figure out a way to be responsible and get my workouts in - I am already taking 1 rest day each of these weeks (which I have not done in months).  I think I am panicking… need to breathe… and sleep.

I love that I can vent like this and nobody thinks I am crazy!  Hahehahehahe - that is the crazy-lady-freaked-out-stressin’-too-much laugh. 

These were the words a very teary faced 6 year old told me the moment I walked in the door from my OWS tonight.  His little chin was trembling and he just sobbed.  Sheldon was The Doodlebug’s Beta fish.  He LOVED that fish and took excellent care of him all by himself.  We are all very sad - and now exhausted.  This was the first pet-loss my kids have experienced and my heart is breaking for them.  To make matters worse, I’m single-parenting it today (my husband is a firefighter, so this is a regular thing at my house). 

So… that grilled salmon salad I had almost completely prepped, just got sidelined.  I am going to eat the kid’s left-over homemade pizza.  At least the crust is whole grain.  I’m just too tired to cook any more today and eating fish just doesn’t seem right after tonight’s events.

has been much rougher than usual.  I think it is because I switched my long run and long bike days this weekend.  This meant I ran 8.15 Sunday, 5 Monday and 4 miles of pyramid intervals today.  Honestly, I don’t think I could run another step if I had to!  Looking forward to the 1.5 miles OWS tomorrow evening and some pilates. Since I train 7 days/week (usually), this is my “rest” day and I need it! This is just the ramp up to an Olympic distance tri, I can’t even think about what the training will look like this winter with a half ironman on the horizon!

BTW,  has anybody done any really great half ironmans? I am looking for 2012… still undecided.

5 miles this morning.  Admittedly, my day started badly before it ever began.  My 5 year-old was up most of the night with a fever.  She sometimes gets these mystery fevers due to her neurological condition, but it has been a really long time since she has had one, so naturally I worried instead of slept (even the times I could have).  She is fine today - no fever and seems to feel fine.  Whew!

And… it is the Hot Hubby’s birthday!! I had so much planned for all of us to do together, but no.  Not with the little P-Pod’s fever last night. 

So I decided to run after the hubby got back from his birthday bike ride (about 10:30am) instead of running with my coach tonight.  This way I can take my hubby out for dinner and Harry Potter. 

No sleep + HOT + cramps + Garmin failure + 8 miles last night = PAINFUL 5 miles.  But I did it - mark that one off the week’s schedule! 

How do I get several photos on one post?

Such a great ride today!  36 miles, cold, foggy, and way up there!  I felt strong and even caught the boys a time or two.  I completely forgot to take pics - this is a habit I need to get into.  So next week I want to do 45… and remember to click a few photos!

To mount water bottle cage clips and cage should require NONE of the following:

1) A bike mechanic’s stand

2) Wrenches that are too short for a good grip

3) My arms and legs to be covered in chain ring greece

and lastly and MOST importantly….

4) A turrets episode in my living room at 11:00pm!

Alas…. I conquered it though it looks more like I was attached by my bike.

Decided today that I need to loose about 5lbs before my Sept race.  I can’t workout anymore than I already do, so I guess the bread (or at least some of it) must go. C’est la Vie! Yes, those are tears you see on your computer screen :-(   OK, OK - MOST of it!!